My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
