He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My apartment stinks of burning failure
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
