I don't usually arrange sex via text message
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize