Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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