i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
