your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
