how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
