were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
