so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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