I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
