Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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