Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize