she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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