he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
even my farts smell like vagina
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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