sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
