am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
