xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
