I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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