i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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