i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
