just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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