What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
