): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
