I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize