They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Randomize
