dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
