I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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