he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
