so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
