So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
