I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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