moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
