2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
