He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
