we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
