she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
