...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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