There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
