my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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