The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
