I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
