I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
