ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
