Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize