It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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