Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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