I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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