I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
