my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
