May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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