Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
