there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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