you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
