If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
