The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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