a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize