I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
