yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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