Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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