the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
