dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
