I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
