I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
