apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
