She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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