I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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