I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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