if only i could text you this smell
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
