Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
