new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
