im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
