From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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