Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
