YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
