still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I will be naked everywhere
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
