Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
