I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
