i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
