I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
